Not So Epic

Do you want to know what is exhausting?  Constantly striving to be something extraordinary, and hating myself for my normalcy.  Do you know what is ridiculous?  Hating a quiet life and a job that is less than fulfilling.  Yeah, it'd be great to be some published, revered author, or a beautiful model, or an admired artist.  But, the plain truth of it is: I'm not any of those things.

I can be beautiful, but I can't be a model.  Maybe I can take some drawing classes, but I don't have the innate talent to be the next Picasso.  I'd love to be an author...but I'm not (not yet, anyway).

My job feels pointless, fairly often.  But I have one, which is nice. It's nice to have a roof over my head, and a boyfriend I love, and friends that brighten my days.  It's nice to live in such a wealthy country.  It's nice not to be starving.

Does that sound like settling?

It's not.

There is a beauty in the tilt of my dog's head when he tries to understand my ramblings.  There is a beauty in that same tilt of my boyfriend's head.  It means something when you make someone laugh so hard they clutch their stomachs, or when you laugh so hard that a snort sneaks out.  Or those rare moments when you can look in a mirror and be happy with what you see.

Not every night needs to be epic.  Some nights are better in your pj's watching a movie, petting the dog, and eating too much ice-cream.  Maybe I won't be painting any Sistene Chapels, but I will be seeing you at your barbeques, making you laugh, trying hard not to snort.