Forcing A Smile

Collin and I are fighting, over nothing...which are the most annoying kinds of fights. He says I'm in a bad mood, but I wasn't until he wouldn't stop insisting. He's been in a bad mood, which he insists is also my fault. And then all hell broke loose when we didn't have the ingredients for a Reuben. There may even have been some truth in his claim that I pitched a mini-tantrum. But, as that starts casting me in the wrong, I claim that it is neither here nor there, and problems had started hours before the "Reuben Incident."
He's currently out of the house, walking the dog and grocery shopping (what a dick!), and rather than ruminate on all his flaws and his ability to drive me to new, unexplored levels of crazy, I thought I would instead reflect on happy moments.
Let me tell you about our first almost-kiss.
We had been hanging out a lot lately, watching tv together late at night (specifically Home Movies and Trailer Park Boys), gradually sitting closer on the couch and making my current roommate fairly uncomfortable. Once, even, our hands touched! Oh, it was glorious! I never did anything, though, because rumor had it that someone else had a claim on him, and when she came back into town he would most likely forget my name. Evil bitch!
Then our friend Kelly, who also seemed to have some claim on him (though, being my friend, I can attest that she is neither evil nor a bitch), held a bbq. Collin and I went there together. After achingly watching him sit on Kelly's lap for the millionth time, it was time to go. I was tipsy, though, and being new to the Pacific Coast, I insisted I wanted to see a frikkin beach. He obliged. He brought me into Alameda, kind of getting lost on the way, and I got a tiny taste of the bay area.
*I'd like to pause here for a reader update: if you are not familiar with the Bay Area and you come here to visit and sight-see, by no means should you visit Alameda. It's not a real beach, and the water is pee warm -- reminding you that there are power plants not so far away. Also, it's just an inlet and isn't even the ocean. Really, tour the coastal areas and SF and wine country, and leave Alameda until you're thinking of nice-ish places to retire.*
At the time, I had no idea Alameda kinda sucks, and was more than happy to play in the waves and run around. At one point I insisted he show me a couple Aikido moves, and he commenced to knock me down. Then, I wanted to know how they tie their belts, since it's a knot I wasn't familiar with, and I dunno, I was drunk and that was interesting to me. He tried tying it and we stood very closely, and there was a moment when our eyes met, and we were so close, and that feeling was there that he might kiss me. Instead, I kicked his shin or some stupid shit, because apparently I'm an idiot, and I ran away.
Shortly later, he drove me home, and it was still early (not really, but it was a weekend), and we decided to watch a movie. I laid down about halfway through, my head on his thigh, and blissed out for awhile, feeling him brush my hair out of my face and gently rub my ear. We were both passing out, so I suggested bed-time. He stayed the night! On my futon (dammit!), and in the morning we walked to the closest cafe for some much needed caffeine.
He didn't kiss me until almost a month later.