In three months, give or take, I am going to be 29. And then I am going to stay 29, for the following seven years. I'm telling you this now, because it is possibly the last time you will get an honest answer from me, concerning my age. This morning, while attempting to drive safely on my commute and use the rear-view mirror, I instead noticed two frown lines between my eyebrows that WILL NOT GO AWAY, no matter how many times I scream at myself to relax, for the love of god relax! It's official: I've gotten old, and I don't intend to handle it well. It also signifies a time in my life when everyone around me seems to be tying the knot.
Rather than go crazy on Collin and ultimately drive him away, I've decided to list with you the many reasons why we, too, should get married.
1. We are great together. This is pretty cheesy and an awfully ordinary kind of reason, but it's true. We're better with each other than without.
2. He makes me take my medicine. It's no secret by now that I'm an entirely different person without that one or eight pills a day, but I think he is also a huge reason I've leveled out slightly this past year.
*This does not mean, however, that I'm not still bat-shit crazy. As evidenced, I fly off the handle at something as small as lack of ingredients for a Reuben, and even more disturbing, I know every single line, sigh, and gesture from Dirty Dancing. I also used to have the music soundtrack on cassette when I was little, which comprised one half of my music collection. The other half was Huey Lewis and the News, which is probably argument enough for Crazy-Ville.
3. His mother would finally be able to visit. Since I haven't discussed Diane before, I'll tell you the essential stuff right now. The woman is uber-religious. Which is usually reason enough for me to write someone off, but current circumstances make such drastic action impossible, not only because she is Collin's mother, but also because she is the nicest woman on earth. She is kind and welcoming and you would have no idea that behind that exterior is a Jesus-lovin loon. and I say "loon" in the kindest way possible. Unfortunately, not only is her oldest son far away in California, but he is also living in sin, and if current circumstances were to continue, he will not be allowed into the sweet hereafter with her. He will, instead, be sent to that special place reserved for murderers, traitors, and people who voted for Obama.
4. We need a Cuisinart food processor.