Sonofa...!

There is a welt on the top right bit of my head, which kept me from doing anything with my hair today other than throwing it into a loose ponytail, which I think we can all agree is the height of fashion. I'm also extremely tired, having barely slept, and was silly enough to wear non-waterproof BLUE mascara despite the fact that it's pouring rain all day today.  That's right, apparently the effect I was going for (what with my glaringly pale skin, to boot) was "sad clown."  I look like I feel : a little stabby.
This seems to be another example of my finally having reached Old. I used to be able to live on no sleep and be fine, so long as there was coffee. Today I'm practically main-lining the coffee and it couldn't matter less.
Perhaps if I weren't defending myself from dire harm all night, I would feel better. That's right: Collin is a TERRIBLE sleeper. He will be all quiet and smiling one minute, and then spaz out, throwing his arms out all willy-nilly in what I can only assume is an epileptic fit and not just some asshole sleep move. Over the past 10 months, or so, I've gotten pretty adept at defending myself (reflexes like a cat, I tell you!), but some things a person just can't be prepared for, especially when that person is SLEEPING! For instance, having already fended off two arm attacks, I figured I was safe, letting my eyes close and drifting off to sweet sweet slumber. Then at 3am WHAM! The sleeping monster upped his game and head-butted me! It was like the frikkin National Geo Channel set up camp in my bed.
I tell myself that at least he loves me I'll have something to show the judge.
That's right, that was my sad, tired attempt at a murder joke. It's been a long day.