Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I Lie for YOU

Do you remember your first lie?
Mine, I think went something like this:
"Are you sure you shut the hamster cage?"

God, it was so easy.  And then Houdini, my hamster, chewed his way through the wall in my bedroom, effectively setting up shop just above one of the outlets.  I was kept up many a night with his asshole nocturnal ways, but even that was occasionally comforting.
Lying was kind of nice.  I could do what I wanted, and not face any repercussions.

Never really occurs to you that nobody is fooled.  You really don't figure out for years that your parents were picking their battles.

"Why is there lettuce all over the floor?"
"Are you sure you ate your salad?"
"Good.  Then you should have energy enough to clean the kitchen."


I read this article recently about why some people develop into nearly chronic liars, and some people take an entirely different path and *gasp!* just tell the truth.  It had something to do with your first memory of lying.  If you got away with it and had a generally positive experience, or if you didn't and faced punishment.
The person they used as an example of having a bad first experience told this story of how she was listening in on her sister's phone conversation and was caught in the act by her dad.  She told her dad she was just cleaning the phone, and surprise, surprise!  She got sent to her room.
I know (I know!) I should have taken more away from that story.  Instead, I merely thought, "You idiot! You could have said you were gonna make a call and didn't know someone else was on the phone!"
Clearly, I had a positive experience with lying.
The more you do it, the easier it is, the article attested.  Like murder.
They used murder as an equivalent to some harmless lies!!

I hoped there would be some 12 step program listed, on how to become an entirely honest person.  There wasn't.  Instead, you just have to stop.
It's hard.

I don't think I lie much these days....but there are times.  And they are always prompted by this sense that I'm not getting enough out of life.  In order to keep people from feeling pity for me, my impulse is to lie.  "What did you do this weekend?"
Should I tell them the truth, "Sat around, mostly.  Talked to the dog.  Had a fight with my boyfriend."
Or....should I brighten their days?
"Ran Bay to Breakers and WON!  Then, at the finish line, I kissed Robert Downey Jr., and he confessed his love for me, and we got married on top of Kilimanjaro."
Who doesn't like a good story?
Even if you DO have to clean the kitchen at the end of it.