Monday, October 3, 2011

A Few Rules

Vow 1: Be pretty. Not for him, but because I am not a hippy and end up feeling all dumpy when hair is not brushed, clothing is rumpled, pimples apparent to the world and not an accessory in sight (for shame!). he knows what he's missing.

Vow 2: Exercise! Every day! Even if it's simply taking doggins for a walk. He needs it and you need those endorphins if you're gonna get through this.
fuck yes, vogue!
     Codicil: Vow 1 does not necessarily apply to Vow 2. Do NOT be the lady who wears makeup to cardio kickboxing. It's weird, and can't be good for her pores.
Exercise will aide with Vow 1, making me thin and pretty. I will be more confident, have more energy, and it will be a giant slap in the face to Mr.-I'm-Not-Attracted-to-You-Anymore. That guy is a jerk and will not stand in my way.

Vow 3: Try to say "yes" more often than "no." If your friend wants you to trek into the city on a rainy day to listen to some execrable slam-poetry, grab yourself some public transportation before you have a chance to think about how much you abhor slam-poetry. You will be happier if you are out of the house and strengthening friendships than you will be by staying home and attempting to put dreadlocks in your hair whilst watching Bridget Jones' Diary for the thousandth time.
Maybe consider putting Bridget Jones' Diary under lock and key for the time being.

Vow 4: Go to things that interest you regardless of if anyone else is willing to go. If there are classes to learn Madonna's "Vogue" dance for a future flash mob, put some fucking eye-liner on and GO. Don't let Mr.-I-Don't-Like-the-Things-You-Like stop you just because he's feeling snobbish towards Madge. He's a cloud hovering above your parade and wouldn't know how to vogue anyway.

Vow 5: Wake up by 7a.m. at the latest. That's just good sense. And staying up late every night watching Charles in Charge is making you sad. Charles was never in charge. Those kids didn't listen to a thing he said.

Vow 6: Consider canceling Netflix. Their recommendations are crap, anyway and you don't need to watch Dirty Dancing again ever for a little while.
Baby was in the corner. Baby got out of the corner. And they fucking nailed that lift!

nailed it.
Vow 7: Don't be so angry. Sometimes things end. Doesn't matter if you saw it coming or not. Endings are sad. Buck up and move on.
Mr.-You're-Not-My-Equal will find his equal and that'll hurt. Take comfort that his equal is nowhere near as awesome as you.
...And she probably can't vogue for shit.